PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
