I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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