Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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