y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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