I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
