Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Too much gin, very little bucket
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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