do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
