The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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