I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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