He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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