I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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