I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
