I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
