??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
