I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I looked at my own cervix.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize