I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My bed smells like the plague
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize