You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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