so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
