the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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