I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
