I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
