i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
