so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
