she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
