I wannas sexs uuuuu
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
