I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
