Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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