So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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