Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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