I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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