i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
