can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
