Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't think brook has ever known best
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
