I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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