he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
