Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
