Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
