You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
