i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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