I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
