she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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