Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
