the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
