Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
