Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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