what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize