i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
