Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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