I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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