We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
