It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
