They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
