i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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