Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
