And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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