In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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