plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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