She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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