What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
