6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize